My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
