dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
