Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
