i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
