did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They took my balls.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
