My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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