im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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