The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have already put on my inside pants.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
