I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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