Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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