listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
