3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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