The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
