I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
