70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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