i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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