Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
