dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
