Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
