By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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