Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ttyl tear gas
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize