You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
