It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
