I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
