I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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