fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
