do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
