Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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