How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
