Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
