honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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