If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
