how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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