3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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