i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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