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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now

  (810): View more from Michigan

  But I don't think guys love me

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  dude she's married.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  so? a ring don't cover no holes.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.

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• (315): View more from New York

  FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter

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