how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
