its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
