Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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