I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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