someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
