i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
