I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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