My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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