this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
