All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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