Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i now understand why vodka
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
