the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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