Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
