Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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