go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
