If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
