just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this just has baby written all over it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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