It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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