fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
