whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
