What did we do last night that was yellow?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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