I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
