omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
