called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
