i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
