when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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