Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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