i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
