so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
