Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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