i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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