This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
