Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
